When Friends Aren't Supportive

I'm loving my WW meetings these days. When I first joined there was only one other person under the age of 40 and she was two weeks away from getting lifetime so she wasn't around much once that happened. I really enjoyed the other ladies and have struck up a great friendship with one of them, but sometimes it was odd being the only one who wasn't married and had children yet. In the last eight weeks, however, six other 'under 40's' have joined and we get along very well.

At our last week, one of the girl's was visibly upset when talking in the meeting. A best friend who knows she's doing WW invited her over for dinner and the healthiest option was the Caesar salad onto which the friend dumped half a cup of cheese. She ate very little, ended up having to eat a second dinner when she got home, and finished the day feeling like her friend was trying to sabotage her healthy eating habits. What made the scenario even more unsettling was that almost everyone I've talked to on this journey has had at least one of those people in their lives.

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In this case, the friend in question is a bigger girl than my friend, SW, at WW. SW taking the steps to change her life and to get healthy and fit is a reminder to her bigger friend that she is ultimately choosing to remain fat. Some people would use SW as inspiration and start taking some steps towards healthy living. Others, like her friend, want to sabotage her because SW failing is just one more reason for them not to bother trying.

It's not just the fat friends who may be unhappy with a successful weight-loss journey. Fit friends may resent that you're becoming 'the hot one'. Old friends may resent the new life you're creating for yourself. No matter who it is, it hurts when you realise someone you call a friend is not being supportive.

After the meeting, the under 40's hung around and talked about reasons why a friend might not be supportive. In the end, the reason always came back to the friend's own fears and insecurities. It was some comfort to SW to know that she's not the only one who has had friends react like this and that it's not her fault. Hopefully, the information will help her be better prepared next time she is invited for dinner.

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All My Loves Combined

I feel like I have been ignoring my blog because, well, I have. Since coming home from the wedding, I've been spending all my extra time working on this:

What you see here is the rough draft of my very first .pdf creation. The final product looks a little different (but I can't upload .pdf files) but I was very happy with the whole process. I should note that this was sent to all the dance schools and is not the actual product we will be using for advertisement, that's why it's a little vague on the details. I felt awkward spamming all the schools with the same email, but the responses I've gotten back have all been very positive. As much work as all this volunteering has been, I'm loving it. It feels really good to be doing something I feel so passionate about.

I've also been spending a great deal of my time checking out the World Cup. Those of you who know me know that soccer actually comes before hockey in my sports world (gasp, and she calls herself Canadian!) so this is a big deal. Granted, my beloved Ireland did not make it in thanks to Handball Henry so most of my support has gone towards Switzerland (long shot), Côte d'Ivoire (long shot), Ghana (long shot), and anyone playing against France. As if shamed by the knowledge that they shouldn't be at the World Cup, France have done me proud and have failed miserably in all their games. They finished last in their Group and so they will be getting on a plane and returning home to drown their sorrows in a few bottles of wine and some crunchy frog legs. (What wine goes with frog legs? Red? White? Just googled it, dry white wine is apparently best.) Am I bitter? Perhaps.

THR and I moved up in our running time and so we've decided (foolishly?) to sign up for a 5K which starts at 8:00am... on Canada Day... in Sidney. Now, neither of us drives which means catching a bus from downtown at Supid O'clock in the morning. I'll be lucky if I can stay awake to watch the fireworks after that; we must be mad! However, if anyone knows a nice breakfast spot out in Sidney, please let us know. The only place I know that's open for breakfast in Sidney is White Spot, but there must be more! I am tempted to make THR wait with me until Bistro Suisse opens for lunch, but I fear she will eat my arm if we have to wait that long.

Weight Watchers is still going. I was within 'strip off the jeans' of the 5lbs goal but then the weekend of the wedding coincided with a missed Wednesday run so I went up a little bit. I knew I hadn't it the 5 lbs, but I was just really, really hoping I'd break even. Well, I honestly got what I deserved but I'll do better this week. Thankfully, no one can vote you out of WW like they can on the Biggest Loser!

How About a Star for Being Awesome?

I am 1.2lbs away from my first 5lb sticker and I'm more excited by that then I thought I would be. The amazing thing is that I haven't had to make any huge changes to my eating habits yet, it's mostly been watching the portion sizes and cutting out that extra coffee run during the day. (A personal decision to stop going to Starbucks after four different instances of shoddy service in three weeks and two different locations has helped because it makes it easier to say 'no' when my coworkers head over there. I don't even really like their coffee either, so it's not like it was a hard choice for me to make.) This success without a complete overhaul to my current eating habits is leading me to think I'll continue going as I'm going. I know where I could improve on my diet but I'm not going over my points so I will keep those improvements for my ace-in-the-hole when I either have to lose a point as my weight drops or I hit a plateau. I fear the plateaus, they can be very discouraging, so it's nice to know that I have wriggle room to help me get through them.

I celebrated my 2.8lbs loss this week by buying a package of Reese Peanut Butter Cups and eating one of them. The other two are currently sitting in my tea cupboard, patiently waiting for my next reward. I really am becoming that crazy person who can turn down sweets. I am both shocked and proud of myself. Adding to the pride is the fact that I'm at that time of the month when all I want is chocolate (hence the purchase of the Peanut Butter Cups in the first place) but I'm okay with not eating them. I'm happy, in fact.

I realised I missed a lesson from last week, so here it is: I can now do a hamstring stretch without contorting my body in strange ways. For years, I have only been able to do a hamstring stretch by throwing my leg up and grabbing the back of my sneaker; the hand-across-the-laces was a dream from yesteryear. When you start doing shoeless West African dancing, this stretch becomes the least graceful move you will perform during the hour long class. I was warming up before our year end review last Sunday and while talking with another dancer, I popped up my right leg without even having to brace myself for balance. I was halfway through my left before I realised what I had done. It might seem like a small victory, but it's a step in the right direction and I'll take all of those that I can get.

Weekend lessons

I'm trying to be very strict on my food this week. The idea being that if I have left over points each day, then I can treat myself for being good. It also lets me experiment a bit to determine what is really worth the points. So far, it's been a great idea and I've learned a lot.

1. I actually really like cottage cheese. I don't know why I always forget that, but I do. I eat it, remember how much I like it, and then a month later, I stop putting it on my grocery list. I think I'd just get bored with it. Well, now I'm learning to mix things into it so it's not just 'on the side' but actually the main part of the meal. I won't be getting bored with it this time.

2. Diet Pepsi with Lime is actually pretty decent which means that I have found my zero point mixer for summer BBQ's. Maybe those won't be as difficult points-wise as I assumed.

3. There is nothing more disappointing than 'treating' yourself at the Starbucks beside your grocery story because you have a whole bunch of extra points only to have them mess up your order... twice... and then you patiently wait while the barista guy has a conversation with his body before he makes your drink for the third time... and you still have to say 'I asked for non-fat' when he gets out the milk (and that's not a points related request, that's a 'anything else will make me ill for three hours' request so I'm pretty adamant about it). I am never going to Starbucks again.

4. I love my tea but that means with milk and sugar. I debated about switching to honey but that's the same number of points. I don't like sugar replacements as I find they taste artificial and nothing like sugar, so my next logical option as I drink a lot of tea is to go without sugar... or cut back on my cups of tea. Sorry mom, I like my tea with milk and sugar. It's a good thing my kettle's an inanimate object or it might start to feel neglected.

I guess I'll have to find a new use for my tea mugs.

May 16th-22nd, more than just my good week.

There are good weeks and there are great weeks. Despite a slow start--damn you, chicken!!--this turned out to be a great week. The running needs a bit of attending to to get back on track (doesn't it always though?), but I had a great workout at the gym and, yes, I even managed to get there before work! No small feat for me, let me tell you. I am also back into the habit of going to bed at decent times. Not only going to bed, but actually falling asleep at decent times. It's caused a big change to my morning routine as I now naturally wake up about 10 minutes before my alarm goes off, cuddle with my cats until it does, and then spring out of bed to shower. No more snooze button :) Of course, that didn't totally hold true for the gym morning, but... I'm working on it.

I am officially signed up with Weight Watchers. I made myself stay late at work on Thursday because I knew if I sat down on my couch I'd get the 'oh, I'll go next week' feeling. I wasn't about to let that happen so instead I hung around (not working) distracting everyone else from their jobs. I have to say that I really liked the Thursday night group. Everyone was friendly and welcoming, during the meeting everyone participated (yes, even newbie me), and the general feel was of fun and friendship. You can't really ask much more from what is essentially a support group akin to AA or NA. (Although I am happy to report there was no dopey "Hi. My name is Mike, and I like food." "Hi, Mike.") The group leader does look a little like she wakes up every morning thinking it's 1975, but she was very friendly and very encouraging so I won't razz on her too much for her frizzy hair, over-sized glasses, bad orange tan and Burnt Sienna flared pant suit. Well, maybe just a little. I am looking forward to next week's meeting, so that's a good sign.

It's the Victoria Day Weekend in Canada (known as the May 2-4 back east although not so much over here) so it's a three day weekend for all us office workers with the annual parade on Monday to commemorate the birthday of a long dead monarch. Queen Victoria was amazing--longest female reign in the world, longest in England (male or female), gave a name to an era known for great advancements in every field of study, oversaw England's last expansion as an empire (hello, India, mind if we occupy you? We'll teach you cricket)--but very few people left know any of that (or care). Still, parade--yeah!! For five years of high school (this predated Victoria's induction of the middle school system), I participated in the parade as a member of the Reynolds High School Marching Band (I'm still very proud of the fact that I was one of a dozen grade eights asked to participate. It was a big honour for a band geek. The even bigger honour was that I was made point in my first year. That probably means nothing to you people so I'll return to things you do understand.) and with that came the distinction of being one of the most respected components of the parade. Not to over-exaggerate, but we're a big deal in the Victoria Parade Scene. Such a big deal, in fact, that since 1994, we have lead the civilian part of the parade (army always goes first) every year. Go Reynolds. It's been 12 years since I took part in the parade, but this year I will do it again. This time, however, it's not for my personal band glory but to support a dear friend.

No. Dear friend, d-e-A-r. Dear.

I met THR about seven years ago through a mutual friend. We had a shared sense of humour and way of looking at the world so it was only natural we would become friends ourselves. THR and 'the boy' have been trying to get pregnant since they got married and it's just. not. happening. After all these years, there is one thing I can say with certainty: infertility sucks. Not only does it take an emotional toll on all involved, but it can be very expensive and it's not covered under Canadian medical. (Well, that's not entirely true, Quebec recently announced they would start funding treatment. Qui veut devenir les Quebecois? Also, as a huge supporter of adoption, don't even get me started on the cost associated with that.) I watch this awesome couple struggle with something we were always told would come naturally. Women have been popping out babies for centuries; anyone can do it! Look at the number of teenagers getting pregnant and it really does seem like anyone can do it. There are girls giving birth and they don't even understand how they got pregnant! "But he pulled out before I climaxed, that stops you from getting pregnant, right?" They make me want to bang my head against a wall. Better yet, I should bang their's.

As tough as it is to watch THR go through this, I can only image how difficult it is for her. Month after month of trying, waiting, failing. Even the most positive person would crumble eventually and yet she doesn't give up. She has been very open and honest with us about it all; the right thing to say, the wrong thing to say, when she's hit a wall emotionally, and when she's secretly hating us all for our relatively carefree existences. I know what amazingly awesome parents she and the boy would be, and if I could give my right ovary to make this happen for her, I would do it right now. But I can't. Instead, I silently curse that this problem couldn't have all afflicted one of my friends who adamently doesn't want children and I support THR in any little way that I can. Right now, that means donning a bright yellow shirt (the colour of infertility) on Monday morning and marching the length of Douglas St.

Me on Sunday

In writing this, I did a few searches online and learned May 16th-22nd is/was fertility awareness week in Canada. Statistically speaking, you will know someone in your lifetime who struggles with fertility (or may be that person yourself). In the spirite of raising awareness: THR's take.

MP to WW; It's a Natural Progression, Right?

I reviewed my last post in the full-recovered light of morning and was a little appalled at my willingness to discuss my tummy troubles, my entire "Dudes. Seriously?" bit, and the fact that I some how managed to work Monty Python into it... twice! I was obviously feeling a little out of it the night before and was trying to figure out how to claim a little 'mea culpa' followed by 'I will never blog light-headed and sick again' when I checked my RSS reader and found that one of my favourite fitness bloggers (Charlotte at the Great Fitness Experiment) referenced the exact same Monty Python skit that I did (in a post put up after mine, might I add). Well, she has a book deal in the works, so if she can reference MP then so can I.

I'm happy to say that I'm back on my feet, fit as an out-of-shape fiddle. I headed out for the usual Wednesday night run with THR feeling great. Unfortunately, a few missed runs in the past few weeks made today a bit more of a challenge than it should have been, but we'll right that quickly. My only concern was a nagging right knee. I've had issues with this knee; I took a bad spill on some cement stairs when I was young and after that, the knee never felt right. Sometimes it feels like the knee cap is slipping around, other times it gets sore for no real reason. I'd have it checked by a doctor, but there's never really been any rhyme or reason to when or why and I can go years without it bothering me, then suddenly for a few weeks *bam* it hurts. I pushed through it tonight and iced it once I got home, here's hoping it goes away as quickly as last time.

Thursday is set to be a big day for me. The day starts with my first official workout back at the Y (thanks to Tuesday being cancelled). Due to my (crazy) plan of going before work, my bag is packed, my workout is planned and my alarm is set. I can honestly say that this is the most excited I have been about the gym in a long, long time. Let's just hope that excitement lasts beyond Thursday :) It will also be my first Weight Watchers meeting. Ugh, my first weigh-in. that's the part I dread the most. Who wouldn't? It's one thing to weigh myself by myself in the privacy of my own home where no one knows the number except me, but doing it every week before the meeting? Having someone record it? Again, ugh! But there's another side to all that and it's the supportive, encouraging people that go with it. Besides, if you do it right, that number being recorded only gets smaller and smaller, and ugh turns to yippee!

My motto for this whole endeavour.