Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My butt makes my butt look smaller

Both my butt and my chest are getting smaller so it's only safe to assume that the rest of me is too. I noticed both of these shrinkages (again, quite possibly making up words here) at rather unusual times, and as I have no shame, let's talk about them now.

I noticed the smaller chest first during last Wednesday's dance class. It was the end of our eight week session during which we learned one entire dance called Soko; as part of the final 'performance' of the dance, we were broken up into two groups and danced for each other. As Lynn, our teacher said, "you wouldn't have joined a dance class if you didn't secretly want people to see you dance." During our warm up and first few practices, I noticed that my bra no longer seemed to be keeping me in place in the way it used too. I could feel the girls moving almost independently of the rest of my body and during the moves in which we're bent over at the waist, I had to fight the temptation to hug my arms to my chest to stop the moving. It was great that they're getting smaller and so I need a smaller bra, but I still had this class to finish and all I could think of was that 14 year-old girl who stopped playing soccer for this very reason. I decided to take the old 'screw it' attitidue and just dance. It's predominately woman, what do they care if my boobs flop in different directions from my body and each other? It was going fine until we got to a move which I can only describe as bending-at-the-waist-and-doing-the-wave-with-your-upper-torso. It's a really fun move and I was so happy with myself when I finally nailed the feet/arm/upper torso move in the previous class. This time around, I made the mistake of letting my head drop a little further than normal to see my ample bosom moving towards my face like some sort of steamroller along my body. It seemed almost slow-mo in that second and an image flashed in my mind of having to explain how I got the black eye to my coworkers the next day. Then I hit the part where the torso moves up and the moment was gone. I made sure not to drop my head that far again, added 'new sports bra' to my shopping list and smiled at the knowledge that the shrinking was starting.

I noticed the smaller butt on Friday at work. Specifically, I was standing at the printer with my hands on my back/hips like I often do and I randomly realised that my shelf was gone. Larger woman know what I'm talking about, that part where your back meets your butt and suddenly juts out like some sort of mini-shelf where you could place your coffee cup when your hands are full. Well, it was gone. I could slide my hands down a nice gentle slop to my actual butt. I couldn't get over this. How had I not noticed this before? I stand with my hands there a lot, how did I miss the changes as it got smaller? Have the Adipose come to this planet and we just don't know it? (Doctor Who reference... such a geek!) I don't know how long I stood at the printer rubbing my backside, both pleased and shocked by this developement, until I snapped back to the realisation that I was rubbing my butt in my workplace!! I grabbed my documents and headed back to my desk, but I will admit that I have repeated the action of sliding my hands down my waist to my upper butt the entire weekend. I had noticed my jeans feeling looser, but I didn't know if they actually were or they had that need-to-be-washed-add-stretch to them. Now I know and it rocks.

If a diet pill could turn your fat into these cute little guys, wouldn't you try it?
picture: BBC Worldwide

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